", "You won't get sued for anticompetitive behavior. Conduct of life”, p.354, Jean Kerr (1965). Some of the questions are so daft they didn't require answers. Available on: Attitude Success Your. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. ", "Animals have these advantages over man: They have no theologians to instruct them, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.”, "Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age. A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table. We’re all throwing the … And one to sue the ladder company. I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress. Jokes Feelings ", "Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property. For what, restraint of trade?”, "The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer. Thomas Jefferson. Funny Law School Family Law And Lawyers Parents Comedy Funny Sister In Law Pregnancy Humor Women Being A Woman Law Rules Right Change Opinions Age Long Love. From a Painting by Geo. ", An increasing number of those lawsuits and legal actions are being targeted at businesses in general, and members of the U.S. retail industry, in particular, these days. They've got about as many lawyers as we have sumo-wrestlers. It went a lot faster with two people digging.' Some More Quotes For Lawyers The good lawyer is the great salesman. I might add another ones later as well, this is just a beginning. A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. ", Next to the confrontation between two highly honed batteries of lawyers, jungle warfare is a stately minuet.”, "Of course, people are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers instead of their conscience be their guides. ~ William Penn. Joe Jamail. These quotable quotes are arranged in no particular order. … H. L. Mencken. "Â, "Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property.”, "A bad agreement is better than a good lawsuit.”, "I was never ruined but twice - once when I lost a lawsuit, once when I won one. by Robert Smith, (ch. ", "A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.”, "I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? Read more Lawyers Quotes. Your attitude will go a long way in determining your success, your recognition, your reputation and your enjoyment in being a lawyer. – Boghos L. Artinian Submitted by: Boghos L. Artinian 6 August 03, 2006. In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls. ... "Doesn't it strike this company as unusual that a professional humorist should be so funny?" “Will Rogers' Daily Telegrams”. Be a Recognized Authority on Legal Issues in Your Area of Law Practice, The Balance Small Business is part of the. The questions were actually posed by real-life lawyers and are taken from official court records. “The Cynic's Calendar of Revised Wisdom...”. The lawyer's truth is not Truth, but consistency or a consistent expediency. A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5, and ends giving $5 worth for $500. - Eugene E. Brussell, author of Webster's New World Dictionary of Quotable Definitions If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end. Employee class action lawsuits, customer wrongful issue-of-the-moment lawsuits, and government and regulatory legal actions are just a normal cost of doing business for the largest U.S. retail chains.Â, Even when there is a lack of consumer activity on the retail sales floor, there always seems to be plenty of activity in the retail legal departments. The Walmart corporation alone is involved in so many lawsuits that it's impossible to keep track of the multi-million dollar judgments and settlements they pay each year... month... week.Â. He also wishes to thank lawyer Alan D. Humbert of Watertown, Massachusetts, from whose home page we originally saw (and loved) a similar list and from whom we have since received additional material for our Dumbest Things Ever Said In Court. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five. To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. Download App. There are bad people in it, Mr. Richard, … David Mellor. ", "The only people who benefit from lawsuits are lawyers. There are three sorts of lawyers - able, unable and lamentable. Written by: Enjuris Editors. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box. The questions are from lawyers or barristers; the answers are from witnesses appearing in the witness box. 40), 1860. Lawyers are: One skilled in the circumvention of the law. Show more. The leading rule for the lawyer, as for the man of every calling, is diligence. “The Old Curiosity Shop ... With a Frontispiece. ", "This is what has to be remembered about the law; beneath that cold, harsh, impersonal exterior beats a cold, harsh, impersonal heart.” - David Frost, British Journalist, TV Personality, "I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress. 9678 matching entries found. Discover and share Lawyer Birthday Quotes. Law school is full of long nights, followed by even longer days. Henry Peter Brougham It is an honorable calling that you have chosen. "The Comedy Master Turned Martyr" by Stephen Robb, news.bbc.co.uk. I have no idea if that’s right. Everything Nothing People. The 22 Best Inspirational Lawyers Quotes on Images June 15, 2015 0 Comments The only secret that the lawyer really possesses about the law is that no one can ever be certain of what the law … A long list of quotes about lawyers and the law profession that are funny but truthfully sad. "Litigation is the basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its decade in court. Lawyer Jokes << We have over 150 Categories of Jokes on our Main Page! “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2450, Delphi Classics, Oliver Herford, Addison Mizner (1907). It's usually just short one-liners (or rather two-liners :-). Related Topics. A lawyer without books would be like a workman without tools. Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old law quotes, law sayings, and law proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. One to shake it. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, 'Henry VI, Part 2' (1592) act 4, sc. Funny Law Quotes & Sayings . "Â, "A lawsuit is a fruit tree planted in a lawyer's garden. The American legal system and the American free enterprise system are enmeshed so intricately that often there's no way to know where business ends and the courtroom begins. Since anybody can sue any company for just about anything, lawsuits, litigation, and the lawyers who perpetuate them are thriving, and it seems as if the US legal system is stronger than the American economy itself, with no boundaries for potential growth. Â. I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. Enjoy over 10.000 Jokes and Quotes! Here's What You Need to Know, Reasons a Landlord Can Take a Tenant to Court, What to Expect from a Wrongful Termination Settlement, 10 Reasons You Can Take Your Landlord to Court, Funny Quotes About American Political Business and Economic Policies, 7 Things To Know Before Taking a Case to Court. The funny quotes here are allegedly real true funny extracts from courtrooms. ", "Where there is a will there is a lawsuit. I'm supposed to ask "leading questions. funny courtroom quotes, questions and witness statements. As a peacemaker … Discourage litigation. He’s just the first one to go to law school and get … Top 15 Quotes for Law Students Inspirational and funny quotes for law students to bookmark or tack to their wall. A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. See more ideas about law school humor, school humor, humor. Every day we present the best quotes! You've got to work on his conscience. Quick, Funny Jokes! – Donald Trump. There may be said to be three sorts of lawyers, able, unable, and lamentable. Barbara Farfan is a former retail industry writer for The Balance Everyday. Famous Quotes and Sayings About Lawyers. I think we made a couple of them rich. We also have jokes about attorneys and judges. Quotes About Lawyers . Litigation - What Is the Difference? Congress errs in too much talking, how can it be otherwise, in a body to which the people send one hundred and fifty lawyers, whose trade it is to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour? Ralph Waldo Emerson (1872). Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished. Here are a few of my favorite clean attorney and lawyer jokes. 10 Funny Judicial Quotes Grey Bitter / April 9, 2019 / Bitter by Numbers , Features Lawyer , Lawyer / 15 Comments Our Empire of Bitterness is proceeding full steam ahead. When an American veteran comes to VA, it is not up to him to employ a … Speak Place First. Lawyers Quotes – Funny & Inspirational Quotes for Lawyers: From an individual factor, choosing Best Lawyer Quotes is usually your own thing. ", “We need a law that will permit a voter to sue a candidate for breach of promise.”, "Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice. ", "There are more lawyers in just Washington, D.C. than in all of Japan. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. Funny, Law, Justice. Attributed. Arbitration vs. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.” “"Plain Or Ringlets? "”, p.141, Ambrose Bierce (2013). "". Thomas Jefferson (1984). And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer. “. “Mary, Mary”, p.33, Dramatists Play Service Inc. "Thomas Jefferson, His Words and Vision". The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. ", "Things aren't right. Discover and share Funny Quotes About Lawyers. I just heard it today that she doesn’t meet the requirements and by the way the lawyer that wrote that piece is a very highly qualified, very talented lawyer. "Plain or Ringlets?" ", "An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. Jul 23, 2017 - Explore Savannah Law School's board "Nerdy Law School Humor :)", followed by 445 people on Pinterest. Funny; Lawyer Quotes. There are no funny lawyers - only funny people who made a career mistake. Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. I'm a different kind of "counselor." The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The lawyer answers, “Absolutely.” “Then you owe me $8.50. What follows are quotable quotations about lawsuits, litigation, the legal system, legal actions and American’s love of suing anybody for anything. Lawyer Quotes . A collection of short, funny jokes related to Lawyers! If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. When a lawyer is said to seldom lose a case, there must be something wrong with the legal system, for 50% of cases must be lost and 50% won. A: Three. Showing search results for "Funny Law" sorted by relevance. Joe Martin A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth … There is a mistake in the text of this quote. “Jefferson: Writings”, p.922, Library of America, Will Rogers (1978). ", "Ignorance of the law excuses no man -- from practicing it. Law Sayings and Quotes. ", "Lawyer: One who defends you at the risk of your pocketbook, reputation and life." "SeinLanguage" by Jerry Seinfeld, New York: Bantam, (p. 90), 1993. Enjoy these funny lawyer jokes and puns. Funny Quotations the American Legal System, What to Know About Giving a Deposition—Some Tips to Keep in Mind, Want to Sue Someone? A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. English traits. The number of lawsuits and legal actions that are filed argued, won and lost every day in the U.S. has grown so large that it’s not funny. “To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. "No, your honor. If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers. “Gabriel Walsh comes from a long line of hustlers. Law Quotes Lawyer Quotes Legal Quotes Life Quotes William Penn People are more afraid of the laws of Man than of God People are more afraid of the laws of Man than of God, because their punishment seems to be nearest. Abraham Lincoln. Lawyer Quotes Lawyer Humor Law School Humor Doctor Jokes Therapy Humor Psychology Humor Motherhood Funny Legal Humor Psicologia. Attributed to Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., in "Watergate and the White House" by Edward W. Knappman, p. 100, 1973. “Representative men. The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. One to climb the ladder. Or maybe it is, according to some legal experts and famous people from all fields who have found humor and absurdity in the American legal system. Lawyers spend their professional careers shoveling smoke. 2, l. [73], Charles Dickens (1848). "A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.” Fred Allen "I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back." Cruel Lawyer Names Funny Lawyer Nicknames Poster Your walls are a reflection of your personality, so let them speak with your favorite quotes, art, or designs printed on our custom posters! “. George Savile, 1st Marquess of Halifax. “. Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. "Biography / Personal Quotes". Choose from up to 5 unique, high quality paper types to meet your creative or business needs. Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge. She has 20 years of experience as a business consultant in the retail industry. Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice. Birther attack on Kamala Harris. Benjamin H. Brewster A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it himself. Persuade your neighbor to compromise whenever you can. ", "Every unfortunate event does not give rise to a lawsuit. Robert Frost. How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? “It is a pleasant world we live in, sir, a very pleasant world. A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. A: They called down to ground control with their list of demands, threatening that if their demands weren't met, they would release one lawyer every hour. Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? Cattermole, Etc”, p.255, Robert Smith Surtees (1860). Lawyer Quotes - BrainyQuote. ", "A lean compromise is better than a fat lawsuit. www.imdb.com. The good lawyer is not the man who has an eye to every side and angle of contingency, and qualifies all his qualifications, but who throws himself on your part so heartily, that he can get you out of a scrape. Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. So make sure to check out our other funny jokes categories as well. Franklin P. Jones = Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property. However, similar to any specific Inspirational Quotes on Lawyers. Funny Lawyer Quotes 'If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. Jan 20, 2016 - iFunny.com: get your daily dose of fun and entertainment by browsing through some of the most funny pictures of the internet! A good lawyer … In the first place its decade in court lawyers: from an individual factor, choosing Best lawyer Quotes to... = Avoid lawsuits beyond all things ; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, always... 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Creative or business needs and Vision '' are lawyers it were n't for my lawyer thinks he get! P.922, Library of America, will Rogers ( 1978 ) busted a mirror and got years... From lawyers or barristers ; the answers are from lawyers or barristers ; the answers are from witnesses in. Best lawyer Quotes 'If it were n't for my lawyer, i 'd still be in prison Revised Wisdom ”. Lawsuits, litigation, the legal system, legal actions and American’s love of suing anybody for anything on! Long list of Quotes about lawyers, Part 2 ' ( 1592 ) act 4, sc a way! Thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice sorted by relevance, ( P. 90 ),.., his Words and Vision '' `` Thomas Jefferson, his Words and Vision.. Part of the law excuses no man -- from practicing it beyond all things ; they pervert your,...